


The Perfect Party, so She'll Love Me

by SumDumMuffin



Series: Ruby Slippers: Babysitter AU [5]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Age Difference, Babysitter AU, Elaborate Make-Believe Sequences, F/F, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2018-10-24 07:45:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10737246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SumDumMuffin/pseuds/SumDumMuffin
Summary: Ruby throws a party to spend time with her favorite babysitter.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> RWBY and all associated characters are a creation of Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum, may he rest in peace.
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in babysitting garden partys, crushes, traveling salesmen, polyamerous relationships, or living in a van.

It's a little late. Ruby usually doesn't stay up this late, because she's a Responsible Girl. But it's Mommy's night off, and Ruby wants to spend time with her. She'll stay up late to hang out with people she likes. 

Ideally, though, hanging out would involve all members being awake. 

"Mommy, Mommy, this is a plot episode," Ruby shakes the adult who was, nominally, holding her. 'Nominally' means 'in name only', and once you're asleep, it's harder to hold people, because your arms go limp. Ruby adjusts the arm around her back, to snuggle up closer. 

“W-wah? I'm awake,” Mommy mumbles. She wakes up, nominally.

She wipes her drool on her doctors coat. Ruby pulls her left hand into her sleeve and helps Mommy clean her face. Mommy smiles at her (!).

"Mommy, this is a plot episode..." 

"Yeah, I'm paying attention. The big robots learned that the rounds robots were, something, I think..."  

A good girl wouldn't doubt or contradict her Mommy, so Ruby doesn't.

"Also, you said you wanted to talk with Taiyang when he got back from Spain?"

"Wh~ yeah...."

"He's been here for ten minutes." 

Mommy awakes then, for reals. She sits up, suddenly. Ruby is jostled. "Huh- Tai-tai! You're here!"

Taiyang waves, awkwardly, from the other couch.

Mommy squints. "And you didn't say anything?"

Ruby thinks that it's good that Taiyang doesn't mention that they tried, when he came in.

"Well, Ruby and I took the opportunity to catch up, real quick."

"That's good," Mommy says, "Your flight went well?"

"Yeah."

"You get the contract?"

"Yeah, actually-"

"So Taiyang,” Mommy says, "You may notice that Raven's staying with us, indefinitely,” she says. 

“I- I told her that it'd be up to you-"

"So you're okay with her being here." Mommy asks, though it doesn't sound like a question.

Taiyang makes a smile. "Ummmm. Yes?

"Ok," Mommy says, "Why?"

"S-she seems like she's changed, and it does look like she wants to help Yang..." 

Mommy's satisfied with that answer. They go back to watching TV, and Ruby discusses some of the backstory with Taiyang.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Later, during a filler episode, Ruby musters up the courage to go see Raven in her room. She climbs out under Mommy's arm, and Mommy doesn't notice. Taiyang agrees to cover for her.

Since she's always wearing a hoodie, Ruby doesn't have to change to go outside, and Raven parked right next to the walkway, so Its a shirt walk, but Ruby put on her slippers to reduce the probability of stepping in a rock, or similar uncomfortable foot related situations. 

Ruby opens the front door and walks towards the door to Raven's room. She knocks on the back of the van. It clangs, deeply.

"Come in!" says Raven. 

Since Ruby's a Big Girl- where 'big' means 'mature and responsible and partaking in the relevant parts of adulthood', she doesn't have to have someone open doors for her. However, she's not quite a big girl- where big means 'having width, girth, or length ' but even still, she can open car doors by herself. Eventually. So she does.

Raven is upside-down, in her underwears, partially falling off of a seat in the side of the van. It resembles a couch, which means 'a place where you watch TV with people you like'. Raven has a guitar, and she's strumming it. 

Ruby inhales and puts on her imperious face. Imperious means 'powerful and imposing'. 

“Hello, Raven,” Ruby states. She puts her hands behind her back and stands up ramrod straight. Here, 'ramrod' means 'intimidating.'

Raven twists into an upright position. “Hey Ruby, It's good to see yo-"

“Please do not get too familiar, Raven. I am here on business."

Raven covers her mouth with her fingertips. “Oh, are you?" 

“You are patronizing me, Raven.”

"Am I?" Raven continues to patronize her. Ruby furrows her brow to show disapproval.

“I shall remind you, Raven, that Mommy likes me best.”

“I- “ Raven's face falls. Haha, victory!  “Are you threatening me, Ruby?”

"I am simply stating facts, Raven. I encourage you to take them into consideration before you speak, Raven."

Raven sits up straight. "Of course. I don't want to hurt your feelings, in any way. You're as much my daughter as Yang is-"

“Spare me the white lies, Raven,”

“I-" 

Raven sighs. Then she closes her eyes and smiles. "Very well. I won't pretend I don't like Yang best."

Ruby nods. "Personally, I love that Yang has a Mommy in her life, now. I bear you no ill will."

"Well, that doesn't mean I don't care about you at all." Raven looks to her guitar and strums a g major arpeggio. "So what can I help you with?"

"I came because of things within your expertise and which I require, and would like to negotiate for your services. One of which is throwing parties-"

Raven looks up and smirks. "You want me to throw a party?"

"Yes. An adult party." 

Ravens mouth opens and she looks embarrassed. 

"A garden party." 

"A gar- oh! Yes. That is the kind of parties adults throw. What's the occasion?"  

Ruby's voice only wavers for only a moment. "Since we're being so honest, I wanted a venue to show off all my friends to someone special-"

"Oh! Your favorite babysitter," Raven says.

Ruby's reaction betrays her, though she says nothing.

Raven smiles. It's annoying. "Of course. To repay the favor. And 'cause I love you."

Ruby lets that one slide. Just this once.

Raven cogitates. 'Cogitate' means 'taps her chin and tries to think as best she can'. 

"You know, yeah. Yeah. I'm totally on board. This will be good." Raven stops cogitating. "Yeah. Anything else?"

 Now it's Ruby's turn to cogitate.

"Can you teach me guitar?" 

Raven looks at the guitar in her lap, and at a smaller guitar in the pile of miscellaneous possessions in her room. "Um. I don't know. I don't know if Yang would appreciate me teaching you something she won't be able to do...."

"That is a valid consideration. I withdraw my request."

"Yeah, sorry. Anything else?"

"Well," Ruby says, "can you help me cook something?" 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Glynda rubbed her face on her desk. It was the free period before lunch, she was kind of tired, even though she hadn't babysat the previous night, and she was kind of done with homework. Surrounding her were other students, not doing homework, most of them unimportant enough that Glynda only knew their first names. Junior and Adam where chatting to Roman, who, ever since he had been cast as the British Singer in their school's production of _Cabaret,_ used that as an excuse to wear a top-hat and twirl a cane around. He also was sitting on his desk, which had always been a habit of his even before this semester's casting decisions. Cinder was nearby, checking something on her phone, an unlit cigarette in the corner of her mouth. 

Ozpin was having some sort of philosophical discussion with their two other friends, Bart and Peter (who were important enough that Glynda did know their last names, but that was weird to call them that, right? {Ozpin's was a whole different deal})

Then, at some point, the class representative walked in. Amber something. “Package for you, Glynda,” she said, and she handed Glynda a box, wrapped with a relatively fancy polka-dot patterned handkerchief and set with a large red bow. 

Glynda looked up slightly. “What?" 

“It was instructed to be delivered right before lunch time. So. Here you go."

Glynda adjusted her glasses. Someone sent her a gift? What? Who would do that? And why?

Then Amber turned to the class delinquent, a frown on her face. “Cinder-" 

“'s not lit,” Cinder said, tapping the cigarette in her mouth. "Just a compulsion, ya know?" 

Amber sighed, but she didn't say anything else before she left. 

In the meantime, Glynda opened the box. There was a bag of cookies and a ben-to tin. Once she opened the tin, she imagined that the contents glowed.

And, apparently, everyone else in the room imagined it glowed too, because when Glynda looked up, her desk was surrounded by her friends and a bunch of people unimportant enough that she only knew their first names. 

“Woah,” Junior said, “That's pretty intricate." 

“Did you get a boyfriend or something?” Adam asked. "One who loves you enough to send you lunch?" 

Cinder grabbed an envelope that Glynda just realized had come with the package. “Not unless 'Ruby' is a boys name now.”

“Oh Glynda,” Roman smirked insufferably, “I always knew you played for the right team. Cinder and I had a pool going-"

“It's not like that!” Glynda protested. At the edge of the group, Ozpin smirked.

“Then you won't mind if I read this for you?” Cinder said.

"Give that back Cinder, you rascal!" Glynda yelled. 

Cinder cackled as she weaved between desks.

Bart lowered his center of gravity and spread his arms out, to intercept. Cinder feinted right, and Bart jumped right, and Cinder spun and stepped over the defeated student. "Psyche!" Cinder yelled. 

Ozpin and Peter then managed to surround Cinder, so the delinquent tossed the envelope to her ally with the highest ground, which was Roman, because he had jumped onto a desk. He caught the envelope and posed.

Port tried to shake Roman off the desk by jostling it, but theater kids had a balance bonus when standing on furniture, so Roman maintained position until he could hand the letter off to Junior-

Who immediately got tackled by Peter. 

The letter landed on the ground. Ozpin was closest to it but then-

Adam flung his sketchbook into the air. He touched his finger to his brow and intoned the name of his special move, and duplicate white envelopes fluttered down, landing all around the real letter. Ozpin picked up decoy envelopes for just long enough for Cinder to leapfrog over him and grab the correct one.

A piece of chalk exploded in front of Cinder, because by this point, Glynda had made it to the black board to a handful of chalk, and having A's in all your classes gave you affinity with school supplies. "Give it up Cinder. Your team's incapacitated."

Adam raised a hand, but Ozpin then made Glynda's statement true.

"Why Glynders, you forget the most effective move in the delinquent's skillset," Cinder said. She then just _opened the envelope_. "It's called 'Cheating'."

Glynda's mouth popped open and she reached out, but not in time for Cinder's faction to group up in a defensive formation around her. 

“'Dearest Glynda,'” Cinder began, her voice an exaggerated southern drawl, “'I hope my gift of lunch and cookies has reached you. I truly hope you like it. Additionally, it is my honor to cordially invite ya to a formal soiree tomorrow afternoon-"

"oooh, that's definitely some sort of significant other."

"What a sultry side, our beloved Glynda sought to hide from us."

"It's not like that!" Glynda said. Her cheeks felt hot. She managed to walk up and snatch the letter out of Cinder's hand, "and mind your own business!"

Glynda walked back to her desk, her eyes closed and her glasses starting to fog up. 

After she sat down, Glynda looked over the invitation for real, silently. A garden party? That sounded really fun, actually.

But she would have to wait to fantasize about it until all these people who weren't important enough for her to know their last names weren't looking at her. 

The lunch looked really good, though. It'd been a while since Glynda had had sushi. 

"Also," Glynda said, "I _was_ going to share these cookies, but then you all invaded my privacy."

Cinder, Junior, Adam, and Roman burst into fits of apologies with varying levels of whinyness. 

"Alright, fine," Glynda said, "Since I'm so kindhearted, you can have one cookie-" 

The four of them leaned forward and started babbling platitudes. 

"-to share." 

Glynda handed Cinder a single cookie.

Cinder blinked at the cookie, then glanced at her friends, and then she laughed, nervously. 

And then they turned into some sort of cartoonish dogpile, because selfishness was a quality of evil.

Glynda closed her eyes and enjoyed her cookies. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OMAKE

 

"Can you teach me to play the guitar?" Ruby asks.

"Eh," Raven shrugs, "why not? Did you have a song you wanted to learn?

Ruby smiles. "Ooooh, can you teach me 'Stacy's Mom'?"

Raven blinks. "I'm going to say 'nooooooooo'."

"Then, how about 'Mrs Robinson'?"

"Nuh-uh."

Ruby cogitates. "The 'Winnie the Pooh' theme song?"

"That one, no problem."

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of the garden party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guarentee no expertise in garden parties, flirting with your crush at a garden party, parenting, dating, romance, handling adults, or babysitting. 
> 
> I am trying to be as sensitive as possible about race and religious identity, so I apologize if I offend and readers, and I welcome any corrections. 
> 
>  
> 
> Taking liberties with the Modern AU incarnation of Blake's family. I had the notes pre season 4 (I am such a slow writer), so it's not quite canon-analogous, but like, I've read more non-canonical fics that were more popular, so eh. 
> 
>  
> 
> If I call them 'Shout-outs', do I not have to give other works credit for stealing their jokes?

 Glynda pulled up to the immaculate house (with the slightly less immaculate van parked out front- well, not that she was one to judge, but the band symbols and anime girls painted on the outside sort of clashed with the general aesthetic of the Rose household) where the party was to take place. Today she was just a house guest, rather than a temporary steward of the residence charged with the care of its residents.  

A garden party, she surmised, was something of a formal party, so it'd behoove her to dress somewhat formally. Glynda picked out a white sundress with pink accents, though the implication that it would be outdoors informed some of the fashion decisions, such as Glynda's sun hat and her functional boots that she hoped looked formal enough to go with the rest of the outfit.

 And she was the first one here, apparently. Well, early bird gets the worm. And being the first one to a party means that she had the most time to... do party things. Yes.

A side gate Glynda had never walked through was left open, and there were three balloons and a sign directing guests to follow a stepping stone path through a small garden with some well-tended hedge and some rose bushes (haha, Glynda understood that joke) until she came across another fence gate into the back yard proper.

But before the teenager got to that point, she was interrupted by some yelling.

"Glynda!" said a woman, suddenly.

Glynda turned, just in time to see Mrs. Ros- Raven jump up right to her. Glynda forgot to flinch. 

She looked kind of out of place, in an evening gown. The tattoos on her arms stuck out a bit, and her hair seemed barely tamed but slightly more brushed than normal, and she was wearing makeup that accented her eyes.

Glynda made eye contact. "Hello Raven. I thank you for inviting me."

"Aww, of course!"  

Glynda got pulled into a hug- 

And you know, Raven's dress was a little low cut, and the adult woman wasn't, like,  _un_ endowed, and apparently she moisturized pretty thoroughly, or maybe her skin was just naturally so soft- 

Eventually Glynda's brain registered that Raven had released her from the hug, and had thanked her for coming, that Ruby was really excited to see her, and that the adult woman was so, so excited to work at her new job, and thanks so much to Glynda for getting her an interview and that Raven owed her one as a result.

 Glynda blinked, and adjusted her glasses. 

"Well, I figured, you were into music, right? Summer mentioned something about you performing for the Dalai lama once?" 

Raven tilted her head to the side. "The Dalai- OH! No, I didn't play for the _Dalai_  Lama. It was Wally Lama, the mascot for the East Southbrook Llamas." She looked into the distance and, presumably, reminisced.

Glynda blinked. "Oh. Okay. Well, I figured, if you were so into music, it'd make sense that you'd work for some kind of music retailer, rather than as a janitor, so I just asked my friend Ozp- Oscar if he had any connections." Glynda waved the air, "It's not so big a deal you need to thank me or anything. I really didn't do all that much.

"Don't sell yourself short, Glynda," Raven slapped Glynda's shoulder. "It's more than I managed to get, ahahhaa," 

Raven sweated, and a brief, familiar look of existential dread flashed across her face. "Anyway, it's actually really fun, selling CDs and giving teenagers my opinions of musical artists and stuff. Actually, I brought my guitar in one time and manage to impress the owner, so I might even be giving guitar lessons at some point- but that's getting ahead of things- today, we're here to party."

Raven winked and elbowed her, "And Ruby'll be out in a bit, don't worry." Raven blinked, and her expression turned perplexed, "You're here, like, really early, though." 

Glynda rubbed the back of her head. "Well, I didn't want to be late...." She coughed, and stood up straight and brushed off the hem of her dress. "Well, I guess, in the mean time what can I help with?"

 Raven smiled. "I was hoping you'd say that-" she led the teenager into into the backyard.

 

 

 

Glynda was vaguely aware of the back garden to the Rose estate, but most of the time her charges had preferred to stay in the living room watching cartoons, or sometimes their bedrooms staging elaborate military campaigns with plush and/or plastic toys. The backyard itself was also well groomed, and rather large; it sloped down in the kind of gentle hill slope that was steep enough to roll down, if you were childish enough to do that, and there were three trees at different intervals that looked a little too young to be climbable. (Wait, if Rose was always working and Raven had just moved in recently, who tended the garden and the yard?). Glynda didn't actually know enough about trees to be sure, but if someone told her that those trees had been planted recently, she'd believe them. 

There was also a smattering of lawn chairs, a table under a rectangular umbrella with a spread of finger food, and a little ways away, downwind of everything, and there was a grill, being manned by some sort of blonde guy. 

"Ok, so, I got the dinner spread out, the snacks are good, the punch is cold, my guitar's tuned. Summer's going to bring the Piñata once she gets back from work, and-" Raven snapped her fingers, "Actually, I need to grab the banners- you can help me set those up real quick, right?- I'll just grab those real quick-"

 And Raven sprinted off.

 Glynda coughed. Well, now she was by herself in a yard that wasn't owned by someone related to her, and she felt a little awkward. 

There was one other person in the yard, at the moment- the blonde man setting up some hot dogs and hamburger patties. 

So, because it'd be awkward to stand around without saying anything, especially after he glanced back and made eye contact (And then turned back to the grill, like he was also awkward)

Well. It wouldn't do for Glynda to be an awkward mess. Besides, was that the kind of woman her charge looked up to? And like, networking was one of the reasons she'd orginally been convinced to take this babysitting gig, so she should get to it. 

So Glynda put on her best smile and walked up to the man. And as Glynda approached, she noticed he had a face with a familiar cheek structure, and a familiar sheepish cuteness in general. 

"H-Hello, there!" said the man, after only a little misstep. He held out his hand, and then realized it had some grease on it, so he wiped it on his apron. "You must be Glynda, the babysitter?" 

"Oh, yes, haha." She shook hands. "And  _you_ must be Ruby's father?" Not that, like, Summer wasn't able to be considered 'cute', potentially, by certain kinds of people, but like, Ruby must have gotten her cuteness from somewhere, genetically, right? 

And the man smiled back. "That's right! Call me Tai," he said. "Ruby's told me so much about you." 

"Oh, so you're still involved in her life? That's awesome." 

"As much as I can be," he said, "A lot of the time, she and Yang help  _me_ out, but even then, when I'm around, I try." 

"Oh, you're friends with Yang as well?" Glynda said. That might have been some awkward phrasing, but, like, it was too late to change it now. 

He blinked and looked into the distance. "I- I don't know how she feels about me, but I consider her a friend, yeah." He smiled. 

"So, um." Glynda asked. She coughed. "You-," she pontificated, "You and Summer are, uh, Ruby's parents?"

"That's right."   

Glynda made a smile with the left half of her face. "But, now, Raven's.... in the picture?"

"Oh, yeah, she is," he said. 

"Anndd...." Glynda pontificated and then coughed, "You're okay with that?" 

Tai nodded. "Yeah, she's really cool! I- we, Summer and I- knew her in college. And yeah, she's been doing her own thing, but she wants to get her life together now, and I'm supportive of that." 

Glynda blinked. And she blinked again. Was he really cool that his wife had dumped him for a woman- an old college friend, even? Didn't that last part just make it worse?  "That's. Um. Well, it's definitely good, but like, I don't think I would have expected you to be so chill." 

"Well, she does play the guitar," he said, "that's a big bonus to charisma, right?"

Glynda made a laugh.  

Raven then barreled up to them, with a handful of banners in her arms, "Hey, looks like you two met each other! You getting along?" 

Tai smiled. "I- I mean, I think so? What- what does Glynda think?"

"Oh," Glynda siad. She smiled. "Yeah, he seems really chill." 

Glynda looked between Raven and Tai. They did genuinely seem to like each other. Huh.

"Anyway, I've got the banners-  you wanna grab - this-" Raven pulled a corner of a green one out towards the teen, "end and pin that to the far side of the house?"

 

 

 

 

 

As they worked, Raven gave her a debriefing. Rebriefing? Glynda wasn't actually 100% sure on the meaning of either of the term 'debreifing', come to think of it.

"So," Raven said, "Ruby invited some of her friends-"

"Woah, woah," Glynda said, "I get that guests will be arriving soon, but like, we didn't get to catch up." Glynda refreshed her smile. "How are you, Raven?"

"Pretty good," Raven said.

Glynda made another smile. "And, you're getting settled in?" 

"Yeah," Raven said. She nodded a few times. "It's pretty fun. Summer's letting me take the kids to school sometimes, and we get to hang out a lot. Watching TV, playing guitar for them, teaching the girls new names for butts, that sort of thing. I think Ruby and Yang think of me as more of a cool Aunt, though, but like, baby steps," she said. She gestured with a banner. 

Glynda nodded. "And like, Taiyang's here, at... this party...."

"Yeah, he gets sent away on business trips a lot. That's what you get when you say 'yes' when your boss asks if you can travel up to six months a year, aha." Raven waved the air, "But he's a total sweetheart. He makes an effort. He Skypes a lot." 

Glynda nodded. "And, you two really get along? Like, that just wasn't because I was there?

"I mean, yeah, we get along." Raven tilted her head to the side. "Why do you ask? Did someone say something?" 

Glynda figured it would have been obvious. "I mean, nobody said anything, but I guess I sort of figured he might, like- and I don't mean any offense by this- " Glynda pontificated desperately, "sort of resent you? 

Raven laughed, heartily, at that. "Oh,  _that'_ _s_ your concern? Nah, it's cool, we're cool, and we get that a lot. No worries," Raven said. 

Glynda nodded. Raven coughed. 

"Aaaannn-y-way," Raven said, "Ruby invited a bunch of her friends from school, and a few of their parent's are going to stick around and gossip with us, adult-style."

"Gossip?" Glynda was actually hoping that people stopped doing that after high school.

Raven shrugged. "It's basically gossip, with a verneer of respectability." She waved the air. "Anyway, Pyrrha's getting dropped off, and Jaune's family is picking up Ren and Nora from the Maximum Security Catholic Orphanage before dropping the three of them here. I think they've got rides home, but someone here can probably take them back if not."

Glynda nodded. Pyrrha, Jaune, Ren, Nora. She could remember those names, and once they showed up it'd be simple enough to just attached faces to the names.

"But her best friends, after you and Summer and Yang, of course, are Blake Belladonna and Weiss Schnee. They should show up shortly, and it's their parents who are going stick around and socialize, for the duration of the festivities."

Glynda nodded. "I guess that's why there's 6 chairs out by the buffet, huh?" 

"Oooo, that should be eight- I'm not as good at math as my daughter, ahaha," Raven looked only a little horrifying nervous, for a moment. "Anyway, Willow and Jacques Schnee jointly own a large banking and mining company, and are active in, aha, state politics." Raven pontificated. "And Blake's parents- Mr. Fang and Mrs. White- are both civil rights lawyers and adult converts to Islam, who focus on workplace discrimination lawsuits." Raven made a chuckle. "They knew each other before their daughter's met and they're super fun at parties. So I'm told."

Blake was a girl, got that. Come to think if it, she would have assumed 'Weiss' was a boy's name too, probably.

Wait- "So Blake's last name is different from either of her parent's?" Glynda asked.

Raven makes a smile, into the distance. "Well- I guess it's okay to say, because it's kind of obvious, and there's nothing wrong with it, so -all their kids are adopted, so everyone in their family has a different last name."  Raven rubbed the back of her head, "Though maybe don't bring it up to anyone. Actually, it's probably best if you avoid the topic of adoption. Or parenting." 

"Huh. But, anyway," Glynda said, "Does that mean the Schnee's and the- um, Blake's parents will get into, um, one or more arguments?" 

"Almost inevitably," Raven said, "That is, unless we avert it."

"Is that possible?"

Raven smirked. "Oh, I've dealt with those sorts of people- If Blake's parents get starting on something, just ask them about their kids. Blake regularly comes in second to Ruby during the summer reading wars and they've got a son who just won an award at the Young Artist's Neo-dadaist Meta-texuralism Competition, in the Contemporary Gendered Assumptions of Guilt category."

Huh. Glynda didn't really know too much about his life, but she was pretty sure Adam had entered that competition too. 

"And if the Schnee's ever start get worked up about something, just offer them," Raven leaned off to the side and plucked a lidded silver platter off a nearby table, "Cheese." 

Raven pulled the lid off the platter, and there was indeed an assortment of different cheeses on there. They looked fancy.

"And that works?" Glynda said.

"Like a charm." 

 Glynda wasn't too familiar with types of cheese, so Raven gave her a crash course in the philosophy of cheese.

 

 

 --

 

And eventually, the whole reason Glynda had attended this party made her presence.

Ruby stepped out of the house, into the garden. She was wearing a nice knee-length white dress with a large red rose embroidered at the front left side. Her hair was poofier than normal, which may have been do to some styling or maybe the hairband she wore, which had a big rose that sat above the girl's right ear.

Raven patted her on the shoulder. "I gotta go hide my van in the garage, so why don't you say hi to little Ruby, huh?" 

Glynda smiled. That was her plan as soon as Ruby stepped out. 

So, now that she had been formally dismissed by the adult, Glynda ran up to her charge. Only, today, she wasn't her charge; just her friend. It was kind of weird that one of Glynda's favorite friends was an eight and a half year old, but it was like, she was interesting and fun to be around, and surprisingly mature, like, objectively, in some things, and that made it comfortable to be around her.

"Ruby!" Glynda said, jumping right up to the child. "Wow, you look adorable!" Glynda said. she smiled. 

Ruby smiled and looked to the ground, before making eye contact. "I thank you; the hairband is my mommy's," Ruby gently patted the rose at the side of her head. "I must say, you look lovely as well, Ms. Goodwitch." Ruby said, with a curtsy and a slight voice affect (or possibly an accent that Glynda couldn't quite place.). 

Glynda stifled a chuckle at Ruby's formality. Well, the sitter knew her charge enjoyed elaborate make-believe sequences, so it was entirely in keeping with what she knew of her. And one time for a school project, Glynda read the first five pages of 'Pride and Prejudice' and skimmed a review of the movie, so she knew enough to go along.

Glynda coughed, and straightened her postured she put a hand to her sternum. "My gratitude for the compliment, Ms. Rose. I understand that this soiree is your doing?"

Ruby smiled. "It is to honor the conclusion of our local library's Summer Reading Competition, as well as my reciepience of the competition's First Place Ribbon."

"Wow! How many books did it take to do that?" Glynda said. 

"Two hundred and sixteen."

Glynda nodded slightly, her lips pressed together. She was legitimately impressed.

"Anyway," Ruby said, "You've arrived really early...." 

"Hahaha." Again, Glynda wasn't too sure what the protocol for parties was. "Well, early bird gets the worm, you know." 

Ruby grinned, mischievously. She fluttered her eyelids, facetiously. "Oh, am I the worm in this analogy?"

Glynda blinked. Shoot, technically, that was sort of what Glynda had said, right? 

"I- I didn't mean- I don't think you're a worm, Ruby-" 

Ruby giggled. She waved the air. "In truth, I am happy that you're here so early, because it gives us some time to talk, before we get lost in the crowd." 

Glynda sighed, having been forgiven for that faux pas. "Yeah?"

"It would be gauche of me to speak of such plans so far ahead of time, but- you may have heard that Raven will be leading a little dance as part of the festivities." 

Glynda then noticed that Ruby was gesturing to an acoustic guitar, sitting in a stand, in one corner of the yard. "Huh. I didn't know that, but it sounds cool. I mean, it sounds quite agreeable I must say pip pip." 

"Well," Ruby said. She held her left hand out all daintyish. "Would you do me the honor of saving me the first dance?"

Glynda almost completely successfully stifled her giggle. "Of course, madam. I await with bated breath and, uh, something- yes." In her defense, it had been a lot of months since she'd faked that book report.

Ruby's entire face brightened at that, before she caught herself. Ruby coughed and resumed with her small talk, regaling Glynda of the plot, themes, and meta-narrative impact of the TV show she was most interested in most recently. (It was about robots.) 

 

 

 

And then Yang stepped out, at some point. She wasn't wearing a dress or any sort of formal attire even, and her hand was in a pocket of her jacket. Her hair was done up in elaborate braids, though, as if it was the one concession to the formal nature of the dance. They reduced the volume of her hair by quite a bit, and Glynda found herself a little in awe at the effort that had went into taming Yang's savage cascade of blond hair. 

Glynda excused herself form Ruby's company and ran up to her other charge. 

"Hey, you!" Glynda said. She marched up towards the girl.

Yang smirked as Glynda approached. "Hey me?"

Glynda made a face. "You little cheat; the infinite sum all real and complex numbers from negative infinity to positive infinity, squared, is  _not_ zero. You tricked me." 

Yang cackled. "You finally figured that out? It's been weeks." 

Glynda puffed out a cheek. "I just needed to double check some of the math." 

"And it took that long to do that?" 

Glynda puffed out her cheek more. She looked to the side. "Yes." 

"But the point was, you didn't know enough to refute a negative proof of your position." 

"But your math was wrong!" Glynda frowned. "If you were just going to lie, why even base your insults in math at all?" 

Yang thought about that for a while. "Well, how about, as a reward for discovering your folly, I tell you a little mathematical secret," Yang said. 

Glynda was, actually, struggling just a bit in math, so she figured she could take any advantage she could. She leaned down and nodded to the elementary schooler.

"So in a group of 23 people, there's a fifty percent chance that two of them share a birthday." Yang said. 

Glynda blinked. "That doesn't seem right..." 

"And there's probably going to be 20 individual's here, so that means there's a 41% chance that two people here will share a birthday."

"But you know everyone's birthday. Like, down to the hour. So you know if two given people here  _actually_ share a birthday."

"But probability doesn't work like that. If you know, you collapse the probability curve into either a truth or a falsehood once a measurement is made, but in the general case, there is a 41% chance two people here share a birthday."

Yang smirked "So what do  _you_ think about that?" 

And while Glynda was thinking hard about that, Yang made her way to where Ruby was setting up outdoor toys.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And eventually, a creak at the garden gate signaled that the first guests arrived. Well you know, besides Glynda. They appeared to be the- uh, well, Blake and her parents, not that, you know, Glynda would make any assumptions, but, like, they sort of looked like... civil rights lawyers...

And a young girl with dark skin and a headscarf who appeared to be Yang's age, looking around as she walked.

"Hey, Blake!" Ruby exclaimed. She waved her hands. Yang raised her hand up, lazily, nonchalantly.

Blake smiled, and after getting some nods from her parent's, ran over to the other children. 

The parents approached the food tables and the eight lawn chairs overlooking the rest of the yard, where Glynda currently milled around.

Glynda stood up and held out her hand. "Hello, Mr. Fang, Mrs. White."

Blake's mother shook Glynda's hand first. "Please, call me Caroline," she said. She smiled.

"And I'm Shuang," Said Blake's father. 

And they didn't follow up with anything. Glynda even forgot to introduce herself. 

"So. Um." Glynda put her hands behind her back and smiled, for two seconds, before it became awkward enough that Glynda started getting self-conscious. 

And Raven swooped in to cover for Glynda. 

"Hee~ey, Mr. and Mrs. Blake's Parents- Yang's told me so much about your daughter," Raven said, less exuberantly than she had Glynda, but probably more proficiently. More- professionally? Was that the right word? 

Anyway, the parents looked a little confused as the other adult talked to them. 

Raven gestured towards the table with the food and drinks and paper eating utensils. "So we've got a punch bowl- fruit punch, from concentrate-, a vegetable platter, some other snacks and Tai's cooking some halal burgers along with the hot dogs." 

"Oh, yes, we appreciate it," said Shuang. He glanced at his wife, and they made quizzical, nervous smiles, at each other and at Raven. "Tai's here?" 

"Heeeee's-" Raven looked around. Glynda did as well. Tai didn't seem to be in the yard. "In the bathroom I guess?" 

"We're so glad you could come!" Raven continued. She started getting into typical adult platitudes, and the visiting parents seemed to stick to the script, and Glynda jsut stood to the side, smiling. 

And Glynda was rescued from making awkard conversation with real adults by Ruby.

"Glynda, Glynda!" Ruby said. She tugged on the teenager's hand, "You have to meet Blake! She's soooo cool!'

Glynda breathed a sigh of relief.  She let Ruby drag her away. 

"This is Blake. She's cool." 

"Hey there," Glynda said. She held out her hand. 

Blake took the hand. From up close, she looked like one of those kids who tried to never smile because they saw some stoic brooding antihero on a TV show once and decided to emulate that character archtype.

"Blake gave me a run for my money at the book contest in which we are celebrating." 

"That's nice." 

"And she does the best Princess Accent! It's good, since that's the reason we let her play the princess in our battles." 

 Blake frowned. "I thought you said it was because I was majestic and regal and, of all of us, the most befitting a royal title." 

Ruby chuckled and waved the air. "See, she didn't at first, but we made her read the right books so she could learn!"

Blake put her fists on her hips. _"You_ exclusively read science fiction. How are you supposed to know what a princess ought sound like?" 

Ruby chuckled again. "But I also read more than you." She continued chuckling 

Blake didn't laugh, though. She folded her arms and turned to the side.  "Well, Weiss should be here exactly on time," Blake began,. She pulled out her phone, "And it's exactly 4:30, so she should be here." 

And, as if on cue, a creak at the garden gate signaled the arrival of new guests- A family of three, all of which had platinum blond hair and matching white formal attire with cyan accents. 

The daughter ran up to Ruby and Blake. 

"Hey Weiss!" Ruby called. 

From this distance Glynda could see that Weiss had a thing vertical scar across her left eye.

Weiss smiled. "Hey Ruby!" then her voice dropped to a monotone. "Blake." 

Blake crossed her arms and looked in the opposite direction of Weiss.

"Well, I guess you're here," Blake said. 

Weiss smiled, briefly, before she crossed her arms and looked in the opposite direction of Blake. "Well, maybe I wouldn't have come if I'd known  _you'd_ be here."

Blake crinkled her nose. "At least you managed to bath sometime in the last week. I can't smell you from two meters away anymore." 

"Bla~ake~" Weiss whined. Then both she and Blake giggled. 

Ruby covered a giggle with her fingertips. "Heehee- so anyway, this is Glynda! She's super cool and smart and strong." 

Glynda rubbed the back of her head as Ruby painted, with the aide of elaborate hand gestures, a flattering but relatively inaccurate picture of her for her friends. It was a little awkward, and Glynda wondered if maybe she would have been better sticking with the adults.

 

 

And then four more kids showed up, at the same time. Glynda got as far as realizing Ren was a boy before they started getting really into re-enacting some sort of fantasy version of a popular children's cartoon or something.

It was probably all very cool and well though-out and enjoyable, objectively, but like, it was also an inside joke to which she was the outsider, and that... wasn't so enjoyable. 

Glynda glanced up the hill over at Raven, who seemed to also be having a little trouble with the adults. They made eye contact, and Raven did some hand gestures that meant 'did you want to trade?'

So Glynda made to sneak away. 

Ruby immediately reached out to her. "Wait, Glynda- don't go! We were just about to have fun...."

Glynda smiled and waved the air. "You kids go ahead and get started without me. I'm actually a little thirsty." 

Ruby frowned. "Well, okay...." 

Glynda walked up the hill, trading roles with Raven. Raven held her hand out as she passed. Glynda realized she was aiming for some sort of passing high-five right after it was too late to do so. Glynda coughed.  

 

 

 

 

And once she had gotten a cup of punch and a small tuna sandwich, Glynda sat down among the adults. She started agonizing on how to entertain adults- like, she had felt a little out of place amount a tight-nit group of children but she didn't even know these adults, so her escape plan seemed to have backfired.

But, luckily, one of them asked Glynda something immediately after she sat down.

"So, Glynda was it?" Mrs. Schnee said, "I must say, you're a little removed from the Rose children's age group. 

Glynda scrunched her motu to the side. "Yeah...." 

"I diidn't mean that in a negative manner. We've all had surprisingly informative conversations with little Ruby and Yang about agriculture and math and the broader cultural impact of various cartoon shows." 

There was a chorus of nods. 

Glynda stifled another feeling of annoyance. That was another thing she had thought was unique to her. But, you know, in retrospect, it made sense that a lot of people thought Ruby was smart. Because she was smart and people were smart enough to see that.

"So Glynda," Said Mrs. Wh- Caroline, "We've all been wondering, and who's, ah. Um. Who's that nice young woman with the tattoos?" 

"Oh, you mean Raven?" Glynda asked. 

"Ah, Raven," said the woman. She looked to the other adults, and they all shared quizzical looks. 

Caroline turned back to Glynda. "So. What's. Um. What's Raven doing here?"

"Oh, she's Summer's wife." Glynda said. 

And the world broke. 

 

 

 

Mr. Schnee spat out his punch and started coughing. Mrs. Schnee wasn't actively eating or drinking anything, but she managed to start coughing too. 

That was the same case with Shuang and Caroline, who at various points tried to help each other only to start coughing again and stumble out of their chairs, onto the lawn.

Glynda sat there, opening and closing her mouth awkwardly, lifting her hands up to help and putting them back down because she thought it'd be weird, wondering if she should do something. Like, maybe get Raven's attention... 

But she looked like she was preoccupied with the kids, and Ruby and co looked like they were having so much fun. 

So Glynda just, waited out the cacophony of low-key dying as the adults learned to breath again.

And then, a while later, after one of the recovered long enough  "Summer.... Remarried?"

"I-" Well, it just occurred to Glynda that maybe Raven and Summer weren't officially married, since Raven had just moved back in a month ago- but like, Summer was raising Yang, and Yang was Raven's daughter, so they must have been together at some point, for Summer to have Yang in her household. Glynda was pretty sure 'remarried' was the right term for that.

But, then again....

"I guess I'm not sure," Glynda said. "Maybe they're just girlfriends?" 

The adults blinked, at her, and at each other, and in the distance at some sort of giant existential question in thier very souls.

"I um. Wasn't aware Summer swung that way." 

"So what happened to Tai?" 

"Hi," said Tai, from one of the outlying chairs. 

And everyone else flinched. "HOLY-  Tai, were you there the whole time?" 

"I. Yeah." he said. He shrugged and smiled and glanced at the ground. "it's okay, though. But don't mind me." 

The other four adults glanced around at each other and cleared their throats and finished regaininig their composure. 

"Oh don't be so hard on yourself, man. We appreciate your company, Tai." 

Tai smiled at the ground and scratched at his hair, twice. "Oh! Thank you." 

"Anyway," on of the Schnee's said. They both frowned. "Well, Summer's quite a character, but I can't say I approve of this whole second marriage thing."

"Ah-" Tai almost managed to say.

"Oh?" shot one of Blake's parents, "You didn't seem to mind that when you liked on Facebook that the country's treasurer got married for a third time-'

The other one spiked the verbal jab. "Or maybe it was just because  _that_ was a heterosexual marriage-" 

Mr. Schnee's hand jumped to his chest. "Ex-cuse me- I do _not_ appreciate the insinuation that I am some sort of bigot-"

Glynda scrambled over to the covered silver platter on the buffet table. "THAT REMINDS ME- Would any of you like some," she held it out and pulled the lid off. "Cheese?" 

Mr. Schnee blinked at her. "Did you just offer me," he said, "Cheese?" 

Glynda blinked. "Um. Yes?" she said, meekly.

Mr. Schnee blinked twice. Then he smiled. "I'd love some," he said, "cheese." 

"And, how about you, Mrs. White?" 

"Cheese sounds lovely," she said. 

"And- I heard you two had a kid so this Young Artist's Neodymium Metatron Competition in the Contemptuous Gender Assumptions category?" 

They both laughed. "Oh, definitely. What you said." 

"He got first place this year, though we'd be proud of him regardless," they glanced over at the Schnees. "Unlike some other parent's  _our_ love isn't conditional upon achievement-"

Before one of the Schnee's got a word in Glynda leaned closer and brought her finger up- "-CAN~ you elaborate about the contest and your son's entry in it?" Glynda said. 

"At length," Shuang said, "See, in earlier years, that contest was the pet project of one of the directors, was entirely subjective, and thus had no prize, but eventually they hired somone who'd majored in Gender studies to lead it and it became much more technically demanding...." Glynda nodded along. 

And after awhile, the conversation somehow ended up at foreign art-house horror films, which the four adults seemed to have firm but peaceful opinions about, and Glynda declared the crisis averted.

 

 

 

Raven walked up the hill at some point. Well, half-walked, half skipped, actually. 

"Hey peeps!" Raven said. She waved Before she could continue, one of the adults asked her a question.

"So, ah, Raven, right?" said Mrs. Schnee. 

"Oh! Uh, yeah, that's my name." Raven said, and then a little more quietly and nervously, "Don't wear it out." 

That got some chuckles, which seemed to satisfy Raven.

"We, um." Continued Mrs. Schnee, "Were all wondering...." 

"Yeah?" Raven blinked. She smiled. 

There was a chorus of glances, between the four adult guests. 

"What's the significance of your tattoos?" 

"OH!" Raven smiled She presented her left arm, "So _this_  one I got when I came of age. It was sort of a tradition in my social circle to get, like, sick tattoos to commemorate big events in our lives, " And Raven enumerated some big events in her life. 

"And some of these are just pop culture references I thought were funny at the time," Raven pointed to some made up words, symbols, and what turned out to be artist's interpretations of Japanese mythological creatures.

"And I have family back up in Wales, so this one's my old family's warrior crest," Raven pointed to a particularity fancy tattoo, a kind of snaking interweave. 

"This one's a snake, because snakes are cool." 

Raven pointed to a stylized rose and a stylize flame. "And I have a couple to represent the kids- OH!" she turned to the teenager, "I totes forgot why I came up here; Glynda, Ru- the kids wanted to know if you'd like to play with them during their next game," she said. She smiled. 

Gynda stood up. "Oh! Of course." 

And she walked down the hill, to the children, only slightly disappointed that she didn't get to hear where the rest of Raven's tattoos came from. 

 

 

 

 

Except as soon as Glynda got through the regular greeting with the eight children, there was another creek at the gate, signifying one or more new arrivals. 

And Qrow and James came in, with Penny in between them, holding a crutch but not using it. She walked between the two adults, slowly but steadily. 

And then there was barking. Glynda jumped up when she heard that.

A small-ish dog- with black and white fur, ran into the yard, around the three newcomers. It barked, unceasingly, as it ran.

"Zwei!" Ruby called out. And her gang of children said words like 'a puppy' or 'ooo a doggy' and some such. 

'Zwei' ran around towards Ruby, barreling down the hill. The dog was barreling down the hill, Glynda meant- Ruby was running in the opposite direction. 

Ruby ran up and hugged the dog's head, before and breaking away and stroking the dog's head and muttering nonsense at the dog. 

and the rest of the children did too, taking turns to pet the dog and hold the dog and chase the dog and be chased by the dog. 

"Glynda," Ruby said, "Are you afraid of dogs?" 

"W-what-" Glynda then coughed, "What makes you think that, Ruby?" 

Ruby glance down-

Glynda folowed her gaze and saw that she had, at some point, jumped up onto a large rock in the middle of the yard.

"Oh! Well. You know. I just. Um. Yes." she said. She coughed and ajusted her glasses. "I'll just get down now, shall I?" 

Glynda tried to bend her legs to get ready to step of the rock-

But then Zwei looked at her, and Glynda immediately reverse any progress she made. 

"You know, I like being tall," Glynda said. She smcuehd her mouth to the side. "Aaaannndd, like, dogs are made of wolves. Like, genetically." 

Ruby giggled. "Hee hee! In that case, don't worry, little girl, I'll save you!" 

She picked up the tiny animal wrought from wolves and carried it towards the adults-

But all the kids wanted to see the dog too, so they followed Ruby up the hill. 

And that meant Glynda was alone at the bottom of the hill, standing on a rock, and that was just awkward, so she climbed down and edged her way into the outermost ring of the group of people. 

Ruby had procured a leash and had attached the canine to one of the fixtures in the garden.

"Don't worry," Ruby said, "Blake's afraid of dogs too. It's not weird." 

Glynda puffed out her cheek. Her cheeks felt hot. "I- I'm not afraid of dogs. D-don't you know, I'm fearless." 

Ruby giggled.

 

 

 

 

"Qrow!" Raven yelled, then, suddenly. Apparently, she had been away and had just gotten back. 

And she ran up to the group and jumped, landing right in front of Qrow. She put her brother in a headlock and gave him a noogie. "Haha,  _you're_ fashionably late today." 

"Raven~" Qrow whined, "We are in public~" 

Raven froze, and glanced around, at like 15 other people. "Ahahahaha," She said. She released Qrow and coughed. 

"So how've you been?" Raven asked, as formally as she could manage.

"Pretty good," Qrow said. "You?"

"Good. So, you and James," She gestured to the other adult man standing around awkwardly, "Arrived together?" 

Qrow rubbed the back of his head and glanced at the other man. "Well, we were hanging out a bit before hand, and we were both invited...."

Qrow glanced at his- boyfriend? Glynda actually wasn't sure she had heard anything definitive about them, so scratch that assumption. Raven was smirking wildly, though, but maybe she had heard a little more than Glynda had. 

"To get technical about it," James interjected, "We decided to hang out beforehand because we realized we were both invited. By the way, I give you my thanks for inviting me and Penny." He said the last part with a short bow, to Raven.

"Of course! You're one of Yang's friend's father," Raven said. She looked up and tapped her chin. "Yeah, I think that's grammatically corrected."

Raven gestured to Qrow. "This weirdo, on the other hand, I have no idea how he managed to get an invitation." 

Qrow made a face, and then bust into laughter, alongside his sister. 

Yang had 'nonchalantly' walked up to the group by this point. "Hey Penny!" she said. 

"Oh!. Hey Yang." Penny said. She smiled.  

"Can I give you a hand?" Yang said, holding hers out. "I've still got one left." 

Everyone else opened and closed thier mouths awkwardly but Penny chuckled. She put her crutch into her other hand and took Yang's and they took three steps down the hill before Penny stopped. 

"Actually, I think I'll sit up here for a bit?" Penny asked. 

"Okay, yeah, that's fun," Yang said. She escorted Penny to one of the free chairs. "Did you want a snack? We've got sandwitches."

Penny smiled. "Yeah, that sounds good."

Yang ran up and started putting snacks on a paper place. "And hey, do you want to know something cool about birthdays?" 

And Yang took Penny her order and they made their way to a shady section near the house. Over the next half hour Glynda would see them playing with Zwei at least once. 

Qrow and James hung out in their own area of the yard. Glynda thought she saw flirting. 

 Glynda definitely saw Blake and Weiss's parents make awkard glancces at each other, and at Qrow and James, and they looked like they wanted to ask Glynda about it. 

But luckily, Glynda was rescued form another awkward situation by Ruby, again. Maybe Glynda should just give up on trying to hang out with adults?

"Glynda, Glynda!" Ruby called. When she showed up. she coughed. "Ms. Goodwitch. I and the other children will be beginning a little game of 'Total Anhilliation'. Would you care to join us? We would be charmed by your company." 

Glynda hid her sigh of relief. She left, with Ruby.

 

 

 

 

 

Glynda was pushed in front of a group of rabid children. 'Rabid' as in, excited, loud, and bouncing, occasionally.

"This is General Glynda!" Ruby announced, to the other children. "And she's on _my_ team."  

"Oh. Um," Glynda said. 

"Well fine!" Weiss said. She put her hands on her hips. "Then  _we're_ all against you two!" 

Ruby folded her arms and closed her eyes and then cracked her left eye open, menacingly. "Bring it, you mangy sea dog!" 

"Um-" Glynda said.

Ruby quickly pointed out who was Pyrrha, Juane, Nora, and Ren, and before Glynda could, they started thier pretend games. 

 

 

_"Ah ha ha." Sankt-Kaiser Rose laughed, honds on her hips and battle ballgown billowing in the wind. Pitiful fools, dancing on the precipice of folly. We shall drive you under our heeland dance to the lamentations of your parents~!"_

_"Oh. Um." The General said. She gestured theatrically. "Your folly precipitates your downfall, triatorus curs!"_

_"We've suffered under the tyranny of your tyrannical tyranny for TOO LONG, Kaiser!"  yelled_ _Knight-Commander Jaune._

_"This is revolution!"  yelled Warrior King Pyrrha, "THIS. IS. FREEDOM."_

_Sankt-Kaiser Rose struck first, using her superior speed to break past the enemy lines to speak into the warrior's face, face to, um, face._

_No," intoned the kaiser, " **this** is your **doom~"**_

 

 

And Glynda managed to get through the first foray into the princess's territory without suffering major losses. It wasn't that hard, and Ruby seemed to think she was doing a good job at it. 

But Glynda's heart didn't seem to be in it, quite so much. Like sure, she could say some cheesy lines she'd half-remembered from war movies and she could run fast enough to convincingly almost but not quite catch with the elementary-age kids and she did eventually say her acquired catchphrase to -Jaune?- when it was appropriate, but like, this actually felt embarrassing, and it never felt that way with just Ruby, or with both the Rose daughters.  

And, you know, Glynda actually felt a little upset that Ruby played her make-pretend games with other people. Like, she probably should have figured that, and it made a lot of sense in retrospect, but, like, Glynda couldn't help but feel a little... less important? Like, she had thought she was the only one 

 "I um. I think I'm a little tuckered out," Glynda said, out of character. 

The other kids paused. Ruby's face devolved into  "But- Glynda! Without you to hold the left flank, I'll die!" 

"Don't worry," Glynda said, "I'll attend your funeral." 

"I mean it! They'll eat me alive~" Ruby whined. 

Glynda stifled a chuckle. "Well, maybe if they find out how high in cholesterol you were from all those cookies, they'd be less inclined to want to eat you." 

The other kids back off. 

"My mom gets mad at me if I eat too much cholesterol," Jaune said, "it sounds scary." 

"Mother Salem says that we should strive to eat only plain bread, raw vegetables and our own pride," said Ren.

Pyrrha tapped her chin. "The Spartan way is to only eat what we hunt ourselves...." 

Ruby caught the implication of Pyrrha's words before Glynda did, because she started running. The rest of the kids joined Pyrrha in the hunt. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Glynda ducked out- well, away from the party, for just a second. She just need a little bit of a breather, from all the socializing and the- well, 'socializing' pretty much summed it up. The myriad amount of different but inter-related anxieties and uncomfortable feelings of not belonging that arose as a a direct result of her socializing today. 

She had noticed it when she first got it, but just to the side of the metal gate that led into the back yard was an assortment of hedges, and extrapolating the shape of the yard meant that there was a small area off from the rest of the yard, hidden from the world by two and a half meter hedges.

And true enough, Glynda found a bench, amid a little cobblestone walkway and a few marble sculptures. 

But Glynda also foudn Raven there, on the bench, her eyes closed, breathing deeply. Glynda froze.

Raven opened her eyes and looked at the teenager, "Oh!" she said. She stood up. "What- what's up?" 

Glynda tried to come up with a believable excuse for why she was trying to duck out of the party, but she came up blank. 

Raven then sat back down and patted the bench next to her. "Do you just need a moment?" 

Glynda sighed in releif. "Y-yeah," she said. She took the seat. 

But you know, they were alone, and Raven seemed approachable. 

"It's sort of like," Glynda began. She  "I'm definitely way too old to be playing with the kids, but like, I don't fit in with the adults. When do I start feeling comfortable around other people?" 

Raven laughed. "Oh, honey, I've felt that way for fifteen years, now." 

"Oh. Wow." Glynda said. That  _definitely_ wasn't reassuring. Like at all. Like at all at all.

"But you learn to fake it. And there'll be times when you realize that you're not faking it."

"And then you eventually become one of _those_ adults," Glynda gestured to the general direction of the buffet tables and adjacent lawn chairs, " 

Raven laughed. "Well, to quote a childrens book, 'Growing up's not the problem, forgetting is'. It's like, you get older and get more responsibilities and junk, but that doesn't mean you stop having fun or using your imagination or sometimes be a little too excitable and loud-" 

Raven smiled nervously and her head sunk into her shoulders, "And like, you gotta find a balance, and I know I've kind of leaned more on the 'having fun' and less on the 'responsibilities and junk' these last few- well, you know. "

"I mean," Glynda said, "I guess I've sort of been heading towards responsibilities my whole life. Like, the only reason I signed up to be a babysitter in the first place was because I wanted something to put on my resume."

Raven mostly managed to hide her laugh at that. 

Glynda blushed slightly. "My internship had just imploded and my best friend made it make sense at the time." 

Glynda exhaled. "But anyway, like, I never did all these elaborate make believe games when I was younger. I'm not as good at them as Ruby is, but," Glynda gritted her teeth and smiled with the left half of her face. She rubbed the back of her head. "I sort of wish I was, you know? But like, does that mean I don't _actually_ want to- to grow up? I worry about that. " 

Raven "I feel ya. I really do. And f it's any consolation, adults wish they did elaborate make-believe stuff all the time."

"Really? All of them?"

"Well, enough of them to fill out multiple hotel ballrooms on an annual basis in every major metropolitan center in the country." 

Glynda blinked. 

Raven waved the air. "The point is, you shouldn't feel bad about liking quote-unquote childish things." 

Glynda smiled with the left half of her mouth again. "I- guess that was one of my concerns. Thanks," Glynda smiled with the rest of her mouth and made eye contact. "That helped a bit." 

Raven held out her arms for a hug. "Would a hug help the rest of the way?" 

Glynda scrunched her mouth to the side and managed to maintain eye contact the whole time, this time. 

"You'll be great for Ruby," Raven said.

"What?"

Raven laughed. "Nothing. Now c'mon, you want to take two with the kids? I'll keep the adults occupied." 

Glynda agreed. 

 

 

 

 -- 

 

 

 

Raven walked up to the adults, her smile refreshed and her energy restored.

What Glynda had said to her really spoke to her; belonging was in the mind of the beholder. And this was where Raven belonged. Because she was the beholder, complete with inherent gays abilities as a free action. 

Because she could do this; throw the perfect party, entertain ten kids and eight adults and have fun doing so.

Because, well. That should be reward enough in itself, right? Bonding experiences?

But like, if you wanted to get into it, this was, like, her audition to get back into good graces with Summer and Ruby and, maybe, Yang. The 'Maybe' was because she knew Yang liked her but, like, didn't really trust her to be responsible, but also that she was already pretty far into good graces with Yang so in her case it might have been like all those sitcom plots where miscommunication leads a character to invest a lot of resources into an elaborate display of affection that ultimately turned out to be unncessary and predicated on an underlying lack of communication. So like all sitcom plots, haha.

Qrow and James were taking a walk around the premises- and good for them, because it was about time Qrow had found somebody. Like, it was cool he was involved with his nieces (Ruby a lot more than Yang, though Raven didn't let that bother her), Tai had snuck away to man the grill again- bless his heart, but he was non-confrontational to a fault- and Yang had taken Penny up to her room to introduce her friend to all her bears. And they probably didn't need checking up on; Yang was really responsible, ~~because she had to be since Raven abandoned her like a goddamned asshole-.~~

So that just left Ruby and her little friends- which Glynda was taking care of- and the parents, which Raven had to entertain, for the day. 

Jaques Schnee seemed to have drawn the short straw to try to talk to her this time. He coughed, as the other three adults looked at him expectantly. 

"So Raven," said Mr. Schnee, for what was like the third time. "For real this time. We had a bit of a personal question, if you don't mind?"

Raven smiled. "Yes?"

"Ah. Um." 

Honestly, if they actually got the nerve to just straight out ask if she and Summer were lesbians, Raven would totally explain the situation as best she could. It was really lucky they made that historical movie about that polyamorous triple that created Wonder Woman, because now Raven had an easy answer to the 'what is the exact nature and origin of your relationship with Summer and Taiyang?'. Like, it wasn't' a 100% fit, but at least it gave people a pretty solid frame of reference from which to jump off from. 

The only snag was that,  that would imply that Ruby and Yang were Wonder Woman, and Ruby was more into the Punisher and Yang more into Iron Man. Or if you were keeping it in the DC universe,  Yang'd definitely be- Oracle, maybe? Raven was pretty sure there was a bear-themed superhero somewhere- and, you know, Ruby'd probably be Midnighter. 

And that'd fit, again not like 100% but because Midnighter was gay, and was also a total melodramatic egomaniacal edgelord.

Like, yeah, there were people with he idea that someone couldn't actually have a sexuality before they hit puberty- and that probably wasn't completely inaccurate to some people, but in Raven's experience, most people had the inkling about who they seemed romantically attracted to- if not sexually- since they were maybe 8 or so, so Raven believed Ruby when she said she was into girls. 

\- and of course, Raven would be totally down to give her biological daughter any amount of romantic advice and/or organize sitcom-plot-esque elaborate expenditures of resources for silly romantic notions (Which definitely beat burning all your actions to combine Prisoner's Honey), but like, she didn't want to mess Yang up for life, where doing elaborate thingys for Ruby seemed to be less high stakes, if that made sense? 

Raven's worry was more that Ruby was latching onto her babysitter because she was mistaking 'being paid to watch me so my parents are legally culpable of abandonment' for 'being interested in me as a person'. Like, that was exactly what happened with Bojack and Diane in season 1. And that would also apply if there wasn't a crush involved; thinking someone was your friend when really they were just paid to. 

But it seemed Glynda actually did enjoy spending time with Ruby, so like, there was a good chance they could be friends, like Bojack and Diane in all subsequent seasons. And like, crushes- especially precocious ones- tended to dissipate after a period of time and once you got to know your crush, with a conversion factor between the two weighted more towards getting to know each other. Yang probably had an exact equation somewhere- 

"What have you been reading lately? Since, nominally, this party is to celebrate the completion of a reading competition, " 

Raven jumped out of her head, metaphorically. She smiled. "Well, I did burn the two skill points to become literate, but I've recently been into a few independently developed interactive fiction experiences recently that have taken up a bunch of my free time." 

"Oh, really?" 

"Yeah, I've been trying to keep in touch with cutting edge narrative styles and all." Raven nodded and waved the air. "No big deal." 

"So it's, ah," Caroline said "interactive fiction? 

"Yeah." 

"How does that work?"  

Raven leaned forward, her elbows on her knees so she wouldn't tire her arms out as much with all her accompanying hand gestures. "Okay so you know the concept of The Death Of The Author?" 

"Ah. Um." 

"Basically, any sort of art- text, visual, music, etc.- is only half complete once the artist hits the 'submit' but- I mean, once the artist finishes it. It's up to the audience- individually, of course, because everyone's experiences are different and the lens an individual uses to view the world is unique- to finish the meaning- thematically, symbolically, viscerally- of a work."

Raven pontificated chaotically. "What a work means is a product of an individual's interpretation of it, which is why it's called 'Death of the Author', because authorial intent, eventually, is largely irrelevant. "

 Willow nodded. "I see. It's like how the our modern culture has found a sense of pride and history in old war monuments, regardless of any less-than-savory intent motivating those who erected them in the first place." 

Shuang pivoted on his butt to turn to Jacques. "I find it remarkable that  _you_ cannot seem to grasp that those monuments are a very real symbol of oppression for a sizable part of the popular-"

"-HAAaaaa~ve you sample our selection of Brie, yet?" Raven leaned over an pulled the silver serving platter of cheese in font of her. She pulled off the lid and rotated the platter on her palm. 

Jaques blinked. "I don't think I have, actually." 

"oh, darling, you simply must," said Willow, "they didn't they din't spare any expense. 

Raven nodded. "Yes, this batch is exquisitely smokey and oakey with a rustic aftertaste," she said with a straight face. 

Jacques smacked his mouth , "That's an interesting interpretation. I find it <words words words jargon jargon cheese>" 

Raven smiled. "Yes!- and Caroline," Raven said, after doing her own butt-pivot, "Was this this last month the first time Adam's entered a Neo-dadaist art competition?" 

"Well, he entered last year because he thought, 'why not', but this year he put serious effort into it." 

Raven nodded. "Dadaism- and the modern revitalization of such, which is where the 'Neo' comes from- insert _Matrix_ joke here- got its roots in a rejection of established theories art theories in favor of an individualism manifested through an absurdist counterculture against the aesthetics of capitalism and what was perceived as an upper-class bias in the fields of logic and science." 

The Schnee's nodded at 'individualism' but then stopped at 'against the aesthetics of capitalism'. 

"See," Raven continued," Even though everyone's experiences are unique, there are large swaths of similar interpretations of how common symbols make you feel, or what common narratives represent, usually osmosed into a cultural zeitgiest though repetition among academic and educational lines."

"I actually never realized that," said Shuang, "That's actually very interesting, that it was a counterculture." 

Raven schliked the corner of her mouth. "As with all artistic movements, there's disagreements about who it actually fought for and what it actually upheld, but yeah."

Raven got into a little more of art history.

"Sorry for interrupting, but where did this tie into interactive fiction again?" 

 Raven blinked. she mentally backtracked through about nine different tangents to figure out the original point of divergence.

"The point was that," Raven said, a little slowly, to give her time to think, "In interactive fiction, the interpretation of the narrative is also empowered by giving direction of the story to the audience, 

"Okay, but um," Shuang said, "I was more interested in how this was acomplished? How can you give an audience control over the direction of a story?"

Raven waved the air. "Oh. You know, it's sort of like those choose-your-own adventure books that you may have had when you were a kid."

"Ah," said Caroline.  

And Raven manged to fill another half hour telling adults, obliquely, about her favorite Batman video game.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then the creak of the gate made everyone pause and turn to the entrance.

A woman with a doctor's coat and deep bags under her eyes stepped into the garden, regarding the the assortment of people in her yard. 

"WHAT THE HEEEEeeee---" Summer said. She looked at the mob of children, "--eck is going on here?" 

Raven walked up, awkwardly, hands behind her back. She kept her smile the whole time. "It's. Um. The garden party Ruby wanted." 

Summer blinked. Then she snapped, with her right hand. " _That's_ why I bought a piñata." 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Blake's biological parent's have been shown since I started planning this (I have had a draft of this chapter for more than a year now, welp), but I'm keeping it this way because I'm too lazy to rewrite it. Here, Adam is Blake's adopted brother (so the abusive relationship he seemed to have with Blake will _definitely_ not carry over to this AU. Personally I like Monochrome fics that focus on Blake and Weiss bonding over past experiences with abusive relationships- Weiss with her father and Blake with Adam- but this isn't a primarily Monochrome Au, and there are other fics out there that do that better than I could). Blake's family is Muslim because I think that encapsulates minority status well in the modern cultural zeitgeist of my admittedly non-universal experiences. 
> 
> Like most high school honors students, Glynda stopped actually reading books for real a long time ago, which is why she's impressed with Ruby's dedication to reading.
> 
> In _Green Shakes_ , I included some math that wasn't actually correct, so I'm retconing it here to be that Yang was just lying to win the argument.
> 
> I know 'Recipience' isn't a word, but Ruby's trying to be smart in front of her crush.


End file.
